Mental Filters That Can Keep Us Stuck

As I continue to learn about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Kain Ramsay, I am learning new fundamentals in our communication styles that can keep us all stuck in our own little worlds. It is these mental filters that prevent us from being completely objective in our relationships and in our communications with others. Here are 4 types of mental filters you may or may not apply to your communications. Power is in awareness.

1-Deletions: With deletions in our communications, we conveniently forget the part we may have played in situations. This obviously puts stress on any communication, especially if you remember something completely different that what the other person remembers.

2-Distortions: This involves us assuming things. We distort the story because we don't have all the facts. For example, Kain tells a story of a man sitting on a train with 3 rowdy kids. The man is just sitting there not paying attention to his kids and they are running up and down the aisle with no regard for the other passengers. The dad is doing nothing. Another commuter is getting really irritated and finally goes to the dad and says he needs to take control of his unruly kids. What kind of a parent is he letting them run crazy? The man then looks up and says he's sorry. They've just come from their mother and his wife's funeral and he just doesn't know how to help them process what is happening. So, you can see when you don't have all the facts, assuming negative things about people can get you all worked up for no reason. Beware of distorting what you think is going on especially if you don't have all the facts.

3-Generalizations: Stereotypes are another example of how we generalize things. All women are bad drivers, all muslims are terrorists, all catholic priests are pedophiles, all politician are crooks...you get the point. Not ALL people in these groups do these things. Some do, but most do not and the few that do create these incorrect and unfair generalizations in our minds. Being closed minded and subscribing to any generalization can lead to major communication pitfalls.

4- Personalizations: This is where people relate every experience or event in life to themselves. The truth is many times those events have absolutely nothing to do with you. This is when you can find yourself offended for something that has nothing to do with you because you personalized the event.

Think about how you may or may not be applying these mental filters in your communications with others. Then flip it around and see if you can pick up on others using these harmful mental filters.

Being aware of these mental filters that can block our objectivity in our communications will help us learn how we can better interpret any communication to more effectively get to the truth. And the truth is truly what will set us free😊